Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
