Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
