Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
