Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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