So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
