my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
