He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
