i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize