Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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