i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize