We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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