I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
