garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
