yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im holly from the hills drunk
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
