I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
