I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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