I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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