I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
