Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
