All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
