Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
