When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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