your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
