Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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