look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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