she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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