? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
