Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
