so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
