It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
