so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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