This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize