i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
