We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
