You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
