You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
