but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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