Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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