I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My ass is underappreciated
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
