I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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