The maid of honor just puked.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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