On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Drunk is a universal language darling
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
