he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
