an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
