alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
