I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
