Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
