I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
