i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
