bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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