Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
