If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
