gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
