I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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