i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
