like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
