six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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