you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
