I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
