Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize