I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
