Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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