new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
