She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
