I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
