Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
