I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize