Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
