The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
