I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
