Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
