I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just forgot I was standing up.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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