y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
