She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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