she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
