so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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