Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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