My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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