I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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