Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
how drunk are you?
Several
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
