we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize