Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
