shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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