Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
