Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
