just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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