Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
