i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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