I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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