remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
