I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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