I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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