Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
